I wrote this as an email to my father and wanted to make sure this was kept. Something to ponder...
Hey dad... My spirit is heavy tonight. I have spent some time in prayer and reading tonight, as always. I don't know why I am going to share with you what I am about too, just need to tell you...
I took Kody out for a walk a little while ago and as I walked him the night sky light up with lightning. I don't know why tonight of all nights, but as I stood there on the sidewalk, I said outloud, "Lord, I don't want to be asleep when you come." The weather here in B'ham has been consistent with numerous storms back to back and with my heart so pressed into the weeks happenings of long ago when Jesus was on the earth, my heart is heavy and sad yet happy and rejoicing. I don't know why now, because I know the story from long ago, but this week I have finished reading Mark and read of the death and crucifixion of our Lord and Savior. It was prophesied in the OT and Jesus told of it as He lived. His death was a fulfillment of scripture. Tomorrow (Thursday) - Jesus broke bread and drank wine representing his body and blood with His disciples. Its the last day of full life for him. As I know this and continue to read of Him being betrayed, I think - Lord, I don't ever want to betray You. Or how about Peter denying Him. These things I don't ever want to do. We are so encompassed by things that speak against and pull you and me and other brothers and sisters away from living a life that is pleasing to our King. Its crippling. Its saddening. We put a deaf ear to words and a blind eye to actions that betray and deny Him daily. Are we, mere servants of our King, in a place where we can stand up to these kind of actions? Where is the strength to speak boldly and confess our love and life to our Lord and Savior especially when we are constantly surrounded by nah sayers? Will we be imprisoned or persecuted here in America for defending our God? Is it because I am in school and drowning in my studies and my school work that I have yet to go out and make it a mission of my own to spread the gospel to the town and city in which I live in? Is it so hard for me to back away from the easily accessible denial of God on TV and through the internet? Where can I make a mark, a small mark - an incision of His presence into the fallen world we live in? Why are so many so willing to say no to Him and not believe? Is their faith that little? Isn't the mustard seed the smallest of all seeds, but so many refuse to put there faith in Him because they don't see? What about the ones who did see Jesus, and witnessed His miracles and teachings, His love and kindness? Why did they not believe? Although you and I may already be written into the book of life, and I pray that we are, does that mean that we stop at that and do no more than what we have to? Do we lack motivation or succumb to our schedules to put God on hold and let this crazy world we live in rule our lives? No, these questions are not to be answered, I don't think, questions for ponder, questions to look at and examine our own lives and to decide today and for tomorrow, what will keep us from spreading the Gospel. Jesus says that before His return, the gospel is to be preached to all nations. I am unaware of the amount of nations we have in this world, but are we (you and me - and other brothers and sisters in Christ) seeking to spread His word, or are we too comfortable in our lazy boy? Yes, it is easy to find such comfort in our box that we have built around us - or built along the roads in which we travel.. but when do we get up and fight? Will we be too late and let His return pass us by? Why isn't our will power stronger, strong enough to fight off the evil that surrounds us, fight off the cry of this world of sit back and let whatever come our way? What are we afraid of when He has already given us a spirit not of fear but of power? Where have we gone wrong?
I have been asked to do a project in my Theology class and we are to take a film, song or piece of art that does not speak of Christ and try to find relevance to some aspects of Christ. My partner and I have watched/watching - Apocolypto. It is of a Mayan civilization that is taken over. The tribe that has been captured is one that does not know Christ. I thought as I watched it, I could be there, learning their language and letting them trust me and teach them of Christ and of His love for us and that He lived, died and was resurrected. That only through Him we are given eternal life. That through Him we find peace. He is our Savior - the ONLY God. The Creator of heaven and earth and all that belongs to it. We are His children. Then I think, how can I - me - Anna R. Morrison - do that? Am I equipped? Am I ready? I don't know if I am or not. If I am not, am I doing everything I can to go internationally to spread God's word to tribes that speak a foreign language not only to me, but to the whole world. Am I willing to go and being placed in a forest, thousands of miles from a civilization that I have been raised in and grown so accustomed to? I am so use to the accessible technology at my fingertips: A/C, refrigerator, bottled water, running water, bathroom facilities, heat, clothes that cover my whole body, a stove and processed foods, a car for transportation, a phone to make a phone call and even a computer that will allow me to travel to any destination in the comfort of my pj's and lazy boy chair. I do not doubt that I am being prepared to fulfill the promises that God has placed on my life. I do not know what all that entails, but I am a willing servant of our most High God. I shall not back down from the call He has placed on my life, and I pray that I He does not remove the covering over me either. I am a sinner today and tomorrow, and know that no matter how hard I try, I will always fall short of His glory, but I am trying. I don't always succeed. I tell Him that I want to submit my life completely, but I lie each time I say that because I have not fully made my body as a temple for Him. So, how can He use me if I have not truly submitted. Am I the only one who struggles with this? I want to know Him so intimately, so much passion runs through my vessels to know Him, feel Him, touch Him. I see Him holding me and comforting me in a way that no human hand or body can ever comfort me. He fills my heart with love and desire for Him and only Him. What do I do and how do I do it - to make others feel the same way?
Ok... I am drained now... Thank you for reading this all the way through. May we - the church - stop trying to please ourselves and please the one that matters the most - Our Father - Jesus Christ!
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